Tag Archives: children

Mustard Seed Miracle

For 10 years we prayed for you, tried for you, and wept at the thought of never knowing you. For 10 years we received promise after promise from God that one day we would hold you. And now miracle baby you can know without a shadow of a doubt that you were wanted, loved, and predestined to come into this world for such a time as this.

This is not the typical “We’re having a baby” announcement, but our story has never been typical…for those who want to know more, the journey is detailed below.

My Story:

Infertility is a painful road. This is an encouragement for all the invisible aching women. I see you. For every Mother’s Day that passes and your arms remain empty. For every test you throw away because there was only one line. For every long cycle that leaves you guessing if you’re actually pregnant or your body is just playing tricks on you again. For every pain from PCOS or endometriosis that robs you of your birthright as a woman. For every baby shower you attend with a forced smile. For every child you long to hold and snuggle but can’t. For every friendship that’s shifted because they have 3 kids now and you still have none. For every marriage relationship that’s strained because the pain is just too great. For every insensitive comment you endure because they don’t understand. For every day you puke for no reason, or bleed nonstop for months on end. For all the procedures and endless doctor’s appointments that yield bleak results. For all the things I never had to endure like infertility treatments, miscarriages and stillbirths. For every lie you believe that this is your fault. This story is for you. Because the strongest piece of encouragement I ever received in my journey was “If you can’t hope right now, I’ll stand in that gap and hope for you.”

So many times I was tempted to believe that it was my fault we couldn’t get pregnant. After all it was my body that seemed to be broken. But in 2016 I received what seemed like a random phone call from a dear lady who had heard from the Lord regarding me (she did not know the shame I had been wrestling with and had not spoken to me in years). She said, “The Lord wants you to know this is not your fault and He will heal you and set you free.”

Fast forward 1 year later in 2017 I was praying about our future children and family specifically asking the Lord for the desires of my heart and I heard a word I’d never heard before drop into my spirit, “Eliyanah” which later I looked up and it is Hebrew for “God has answered me”. I’ve cherished that moment for the last few years as it was such a personal gesture of love from my Lord.

9 months later in 2018 I was at Hillsong Color Conference and they were speaking on infertility. They shared that in the last year 256 miracle babies had been born since the previous year’s conference when women struggling with infertility had been specifically prayed over. The girl sitting in front of me approached me afterwards asking if I knew someone who was struggling with getting pregnant. When I told her my story she said relieved, “Oh good I heard from the Lord correctly – He wanted you to know this miracle is for you too.” She then told me her and her husband had tried for 9 years and ended up adopting from foster care and that she had just found out she was pregnant the previous weekend. She had been wearing a lightbulb necklace with a mustard seed in it for 9 years to remind her of Jesus’ words in Luke 17:6. She told me it was my turn to wear the necklace (the necklace I made from the lightbulb is pictured above)

Later that week I was prayed over by a dear friend and my mother. I received complete healing and deliverance from PCOS and Endometriosis – I know this because I felt an intense heat throughout my abdomen and reproductive system (The Holy Spirit is often described and associated with fire in the Bible) and for the last 2 years i have had normal cycles and no endo pain (I hadn’t had normal cycles for my entire life and had lived in excruciating pain for years from endo that resulted in 2 surgeries). God completely healed me that day. He had been faithful to pour hope into my barrenness throughout the entire 10 years of infertility – these are only a handful of moments out of countless where He would breathe life into my sails when I had sunk deep into despair.

Fast forward to December 2019. We now had 4 children in our home from foster care whose adoptions were just around the corner and SURPRISE! We were no longer trying and had tucked that promise from God up on a shelf where it was collecting dust. We never planned to have 5 children but God had other plans. We’re overwhelmed at his faithfulness.

For as long as I’ve struggled in this area I’ve always only wanted to do one thing, shout God’s glory from the mountain tops and proclaim His goodness and love through every ounce of suffering. Because y’all He is WORTHY! Even if I had never seen and experienced this miracle in my body He is still good and it’s way to easy to forget that. My only hope in sharing this journey in such detail is that it will encourage you to walk in faith, believe in miracles again – because I literally have one growing inside of me, and no matter your struggle don’t lose sight of hope because it is rooted in the Father’s love for you. YOU ARE LOVED BELOVED!!! Believe it, Rest in it, and Live it. (1 Peter 3:15, 1 Corinthians 13:13)

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The Secret to Being Sexy – A Response to video “Makeup Fake Sexy Body”

Today I participated in a typical pass time, an all to frequent one, the endless scroll through my Facebook feed. All together bored, and too complacent to do something meaningful, I looked to Facebook for entertainment. Next thing I know I’m watching this video titled, “Makeup Fake Sexy Body”.

I found myself sucked into the mastery of this makeup artist’s talent and the insanity of it all, along with millions of other viewers, who’ve liked, shared and commented on this heartbreaking reality. As I watched quite literally appalled, I became more and more heartbroken that this is what young girls and women are preoccupied with – creating illusions and buying into the lie that says, “This is sexy”. In it’s very own title it exposes the fact that it’s fake; therefore, it’s very intent is to deceive, it’s the deceiving of others but more importantly it’s the deceiving of self. In a world of everyday contouring, neck highlights, fake eyelashes and crop tops displaying fake abs, it’s easy to get lost in the world’s standard of beauty, because if Selena Gomez does it, then it must be sexy. Everywhere I look I see women hiding their true selves from the world, tucking their shame, insecurities and their authentic selves behind the masks they so desperately cling to. A flawless contour will never be able to cover up the condition of one’s soul and the more layers one applies, the more difficult it is to be known; which isn’t that every heart’s deepest desire – to be be known fully and to be loved in spite of it?

I haven’t been able to have children yet, but I think about my unborn babies all the time, I dream of who they will become and how I will help them discover their true selves. I think about my future daughter and how she’s going to be watching me, what will I be teaching her without realizing it? What will my son learn from me about true beauty and how to recognize it in his future spouse?

I was a child, my mom took her seat at the vanity to prep for her weekly date night with my dad, and I took my seat at her feet, watching her every move. She began applying her foundation, quickly blending her blush. That shimmery stuff she called eyeshadow I wasn’t supposed to touch went on next, and then came that black stuff in a tube they call mascara. Her mouth moved around in a funny way as she brushed that stuff on and then a nice shade of pink on the lips polished it all off. She frequently ended the ritual with a satisfied, “That’s good enough!” and in 10 minutes or less she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I remember thinking, ‘If only I could look like that when I grow up’.

Well, I’m all grown up now and have long since mastered the art of applying makeup. I love the stuff, it’s fun to play with and it’s extremely useful on those days where half an eyebrow is just not cutting it. Yet, every time I sit down to do my makeup, I’m often reminded of that little girl watching her mom and I now realize my mom was teaching me something much more valuable than where to apply blush. She taught me the secret to being sexy.

The secret lies in verses 3-5 of 1 Peter chapter 3. “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God…”

Here’s the deal, hair and makeup, clothes and jewelry, they are all super fun and completely ok. I love it all. Where I think we can struggle is when we become “concerned” as 1 Peter says, or preoccupied with them that we neglect what’s most important, which is our inner beauty. We’ve all heard the phrase, “Beauty Fades” but what doesn’t fade is the condition of our soul. That lives on, no matter what. In hindsight, it was the condition of my mom’s soul, the years she attended to her inner beauty that gave her the courage to approach each day with a, “Good enough” to the outside shell. And for the little girl watching, it is a great source of encouragement for when I face the mirror each day.

See I wasn’t just watching my mom put on her makeup.
I  watched her get up every morning and spend hours with the Lord in prayer and study Scripture.
I watched her commit to and care for her marriage.
I watched her sacrifice and pour herself out for her children.
I watched her love.
I watched her trust.
I watched her be brave.
I watched her mentor.
I watched her listen.
I watched her give.
I watched her laugh at herself and the days to come.
I watched her hurt and choose to let go of hate.
I watched her scared and choose to surrender fear.
I watched her choose joy.
I watched her care.
I watched her participate.
I watched her be passionate.
I watched her humility.
I watched her tired and choose to face each day anyway.
I watched her be broken and walk towards healing.
I watched her cry and choose to be vulnerable.
I watched her live.

And as I continue to watch my mom live her life surrendered, putting her trust in God, I have learned that the secret to being sexy isn’t in hiding, it’s in laying down your mask in utter confidence that you will be exposed and in doing so you will surely be known. And in that single act of bravery, daring to believe that you are loved just as you are by the God that sees you, the real you and says, “That’s my girl, I love you.”

And beloved isn’t that the greatest thing of all? To be be known fully and to be loved in spite of it?

So let’s embrace the idea of “Good Enough” and stop clinging to our brushes and contour kits; trading in fake sexy for true beauty. Confidently resting in the grace of the fact that we are loved by our Creator, because somewhere there is a little girl watching.

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